Chapter -2- Suicide
Section 1
Two men in simple suits walk towards me. Down the rows of desk to back where I sat in Mrs. Gallergers class, she was my second grade teacher. I remember this day because I sat next to Kim Bailey a girl I would later date in high junior high. I wouldn’t remember her till she mentioned it to me that she bought me zebra strip gum once with a welcome home balloon.
My teacher had stopped them but as she began to say something my principle came in and called her over. The men asked me to go with them I really didn’t understand what it was that was happening. I was so confused I was in second grade and I knew that I was doing to myself was going to be hurtful to others and myself not to mention selfish. How could I not know that I would hurt so many people? How could I not know that my family would suffer?
I was seven barely old enough to dress. I remember what I was wearing that day. Its simple it was a pair of yellow and blue shorts with a neon green and blue vertical strip shirt. I hated that shirt I think that the shorts were Umbro a soccer company.
Section 2
To get to that point you need to understand that I have been trying to kill myself for one year not that it is a “glory” moment in my life but the fact is my mother was hurt by the only man I trusted and she was getting remarried to Roger a ruthless man that worked for a local textile company in a town near by. He seemed great but the change left me lonely and with out the only man I had known. I wanted to die I wanted to leave. In the months that followed their wedding I started thinking about a lot of fucked up shit life, death and more had I know it would lead up to me trying several time to take my life I would have never began the journey into my life.
Walking into the my room my mother could only hear sounds of myself gasping as she pulled the cover from my top bunk revealing her only son blue in the face with a rope around his neck made of the shoe laces that she had just bought for his first day in second grade. She screamed for Roger to help. As I sat their slightly up leaning hard so that I would die I wish I had a better life my mother grabbing at the lace pulling it to set me free she realized that she was pulling it tighter. As she panicked I remember Roger yelling for her to let it go that she was killing me I passed at that point and don’t remember to many details of what happen but when I came to I remember Roger standing over me with a knife from his pocket to cut me free… this was the third time I had tried to take my life.
Many time before have I tried well at least twice first two were simple nothing grand I had pills aspirin if I remember and baby at that I wanted to die I lost the only persons in my life I loved even though violent I still wanted to have him in my life…
It was hard there off the tree out back a gun I found under Roger’s night stand and once again at Kims house. I wanted to die life was hard I really don’t even know but the sadness followed me for a very long time and I just wanted to die. A child in second grade should not even know about death or really understand life for that matter but yet I wanted to control it I wanted to end it…
Life was hard after those first five times I tried a few months later with a chair and the fridge I really had know idea all I know is that I knew I wanted to end this life not worth living…
There were many other times my mother walked in from the food bank and I was trustier to be home alone that when she came home she walked in on me forcing myself to pass out by holding Rodgers weights on my neck, glass in my hand getting the balls to cut myself, and electric wires in a socket with copper wire connected to a medal plate with a glass full of water near by. I wanted to die I wanted to not live I wanted to kill myself….
Some many ways so little time my family interrupted me every time saving me from the worst mistake of my life I would have rather---
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