Chapter -5- France “the break up”
“It looks like your walking away from love” T. Laterreur
The following writings come form a journal I wrote in every day while I was in France. Theses are direct writings unchanged from the day written. This chapter has much to do with a guy named Tim I lived with Tim for two years. He was my partner my lover my world …
Bonjour,
Je m’ appelle Jay. Je viens de slatington PA, J’ai vingt-deux ans j’ai quatre soeurs je suis uraiment de’ sole jene pavlepas francias mais jaimerais essayer d’appprendre le fransais.
This is how it starts and this is my story im traveling to France to see the world with my partner tim we have been together for about duex years. (that’s two If you don’t know French) he is already there and I have been waiting for the day to come when I could see his face, smell his body and feel his warmth on my body. This trip means so much to us in the past we have had our problems. But as time is spent without him I can feel the love filling up my soul like a pitcher of water. I truly feel like he is my soul mate the ying to my yang. Im flying out to start my adventure. I can’t wait to see him! First stop is Dallas from where I live sunny San Diego…
Sitting here at Dallas I have seen more gay people than I have seen in a month. There is a cute old woman reading a romance novel. Her husband sitting next to her seems to be falling a sleep he is drifting in and out of consciousness. I think that he his only sleeping when she isn’t looking. There is a guy that is talking to a man who I think is gay as well. He has two painting canvas you can kind of see a light cobalt blue trim around the edge of the painting
Every one is sitting relatively quiet some staring off into space. Ever so often you can hear the laughter of a little girl. She has a pink jacket that makes me think of my little sister.
Traveling is so time consuming I woke up with my nerves in a knot. I feel like crap today my skin is slightly red with a slight smell of smoke on them. Gosh I wish I could stop smoking it is such a gross habit. Not to mention it kills you!!! Stains your teeth and that smell ugh it is so gross but I want one. By the way I think of it as “if I was to die of lung cancer at least its not aids”…
Sorry but I digress. A little boy just came up to me and asked me for a piece of paper. He is a pale young boy about 11 years of age. I would say he has a lot of energy because he is running. His father an older man with salt and pepper hair, he looks to be around 45. He looks so tired we all look tired. We are waiting for a flight now to Philly where I will be staying for about two weeks. My family is there I can’t wait to see them and Chel. I can’t help but to think about Tim. He is such a kind person he truly is. He has a heart of gold and he supports me in any and all of my endeavors. As you may already know I am an artist and I have not been creating that much work lately. I almost feel as if I have lost my passion my lust for painting. I have been working hard to support myself and my life style. When I land in France I plan on tapping into my creative side somehow. I’m just not sure how to though I know I can I just am having a hard time finding it. I want to be able to produce amazing works of art for the world to see. I want to be able to draw all the sites and I do mean all the sites every thing France the Eiffel Tower to the Arch de Triumph, Cafes everything….
Landing in Paris after my long flight things were looking up. Tim was there to I couldn’t wait to see him. But then I realized he was not as happy as I was to see him. I hope this trip works out because I can’t see my life without him. My birthday is in a few days. I can’t wait to do something really wonderful and special, Tim is a sweetheart he most likely is planning some kind of sweet dinner or something I wonder…
March 8th 2008 – Paris
Ugh the third day we are here tomorrow is my birthday. Tim and I argued last night. He wanted to kick me out of the hotel room. I don’t know why he says this stuff to me if he loves me. I never kick him out ever. He said he was going to call the doorman downstairs and have me remove. It makes me sad to think that he would do that to me ugh…
March 9th – My Birthday – Paris
Well today is the day finally it is my b-day “mon anivesay” im finally going to the Louve it is going to be so amazing. I can’t wait to see Madonna on the rocks and some Boche paintings. Tim is going to go with me his knee is hurting him a lot. Im not sure if he can handle all the walking around it has been so frustrating to get around or do anything.
Yesterday we went to see Jim Morrison’s grave in a beautiful cemetery. His tomb stone had a small fence around it and there was a guard that was watching over the grave. I was so excited to see it I love the doors music I grew up listening to it all the time. I have so many pictures of some of the most beautiful graves I have ever seen in my life.
I hate it here right now. All tim has been doing is complaining about me. I feel like ever since I came here he doesn’t love me. My birthday sucked really bad but we did have pizza at this really cute French place by the museum. Despite the fact that I had to beg him to stop there. After we went to the hotel tool a nap and once we woke up I asked him if we could go do something fun and he said no because it was a Sunday and he said everything was close on a Sunday which may have been true. But I asked if he wanted to maybe just go walk around and he said he didn’t even want to try to see if there was something we could do ugh…. I hope Angers is better than this because if this is a precursor to the rest of the trip then I can tell that it is going to be hell already.
